I Was Stuck Up In One by Alan Catlin

of those one horse, lakeside
towns with nothing to do
but drink beer and watch
the crows outsmart the farmers.
I decided this grill
with a neon BEER sign
in the window was as good as
any to bury a few dead soldiers.
It’s not often you get lucky
enough to find a female
bartender under the age of 109
or with an IQ over that of
Bessie the Cow but this was
one of those trips.
After a few, she’s starting to
look real good and she can even
carry on a half way intelligent
conversation with words used in
it more complicated than long
neck Bud, not that I was overly
interested in her mind.
After a couple of more, she’s
starting to look like a mighty
fine way to kill a few hours
with, and I was just like working
up enough nerve to try one of my
better come on lines when that
creep face Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
appeared on the tube.  I hadn’t
noticed him being the second coming
of the antichrist before, but
the way she was carrying on,
made me swear never to buy
another win three ticket with
the numbers 666 in it, not even
as a joke.  What she was saying
about EZ Jr. and the FBI made
headlines of The National Enquirer
seem like the Christian Science Monitor
of veracity in comparison.
I gathered Federal Agents had
planted a transistor in her teeth
that picked up messages from outer
space.  Sd.”Here, do you want to
listen?” opening her mouth real wide
and getting in my face.
Fortunately, I was just leaving anyway.
Imagine what might have happened
if I told her I was working as a
Federal Marshall.”

Alan Catlin is a widely published poet in the US of A and elsewhere. His most recent book is “Books of the Dead: a memoir with poetry” about the deaths of his parents. He is a retired professional barman and the editor of the online poetry zine misfitmagazine.net.