The Stop-Tap Exorcism by Paul Tristram

Holy Mother of God… she’s become Possessed!
Quick as you can, hold her arms & legs down
afore she takes someone’s eye out
or does some other flailing-about, Evil mischief.
Yes, I am quite aware that sometimes
she has been known to fake an epileptic fit
when running out of beer money
or when being ejected from this fine Establishment,
but, on this occasion it is something far more Sinister.
Everyone here witnessed the dreaded Tolling of the Bell
coming from the derelict Chapel down yonder harbour
not 15 minutes gone… aye, nail-on-the-head, sir,
it was the very time that Last Orders was rung.
Audio Echo? I think not, complete & utter tosh,
your innocent mind is struggling to find logic
in what is obviously a Supernatural situation.
I have been Pastor to this Parish nigh on forty years
and the Devil’s work is never cloaked
to my righteous and inquiring mind.
Bolt the doors immediately, I tell thee,
draw the drapes and dim the main lights,
and for Christ’s Sake, good Barman,
a couple of Jameson’s for my raging nerves.
Port all ‘round for the Helpers
and without proper ‘Holy Water’ for the Exorcism…
you’d better fetch the Vodka (Smirnoff not the cheap shit!)
and make sure there’s enough to last a gruesome hour or three.

Arty Pic Of Pauly

Paul Tristram is a Welsh writer who has poems, short stories, sketches and photography published in many publications around the world, he yearns to tattoo porcelain bridesmaids instead of digging empty graves for innocence at midnight; this too may pass, yet. Buy his books ‘Scribblings Of A Madman’ (Lit Fest Press) ‘Poetry From The Nearest Barstool’ at And a split poetry book ‘The Raven And The Vagabond Heart’ with Bethany W Pope at You can also read his poems and stories here!


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