I Faked Every Orgasm & I Want That Fucking Rib Back Right Now, You Hear Me! by Paul Tristram

Aye, you can have the top bunk, lad, it’s all yours,
no good to me see, my back’s knackered,
and it may as well be Everest
I’d be climbing up to just to get some shut-eye.
I’ve only got 6 days left, any road.
I’ll be 72 year old next March,
never been in trouble all my life until now,
few fist fights when I was younger, like,
but ‘Boys Will Be Boys’ and all that kack.
‘Contempt Of Court’ it was…
in a ‘Civil’ not a ‘Criminal’ one.
Going through a messy divorce, see,
55 years married and chained to ‘That’ I was.
I’ve never hated someone so much
in all my born days, and I’ve lived awhile & all.
Separate bedrooms for 30 odd years,
and she used to hide my cowing shoes,
not so I wouldn’t go off gallivanting…
but, so I couldn’t follow her down the road on the slap.
Then she started seeing that ‘Oldest Rocker In Town’,
Teddy Boy with a receding quiff, cunt Terry 6 months ago.
‘Blatant’ fucking ‘Blatant’
I never understood what that word meant until now!
Anyway, she only brought the beer-bellied fucker
to our divorce proceedings, talk about rubbing it in.
I never knew I had a temper like that in me, mun…
flew at ‘em pair of bastards, I did, like a whippet…
an old, tired, worn-out, riddled with arthritis one,
but, a whippet all the same… look at me shaking yuh!
Our Shelly was gonna let me have their spare room,
the one downstairs next to the toilet,
handy that’d be, I’m up at least 15 times a night
to use the fucking thing, as you’ll soon find out.
I was gonna let her have the Council Bungalow,
seeing as the kids and grandchildren
have all fucked off to get on with their own lives…
But now, nuh, I’ll fight her bloody tooth & nail for it all!

paul smoking - Copy

Paul Tristram is a Welsh writer who has poems, short stories, sketches and photography published in many publications around the world, he yearns to tattoo porcelain bridesmaids instead of digging empty graves for innocence at midnight; this too may pass, yet. Buy his books ‘Scribblings Of A Madman’ (Lit Fest Press) http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1943170096 ‘Poetry From The Nearest Barstool’ at http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1326241036 And a split poetry book ‘The Raven And The Vagabond Heart’ with Bethany W Pope at http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1326415204 You can also read his poems and stories here! http://paultristram.blogspot.co.uk/

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