An Open Letter From Three Plenty Of Fishes by Jameson Bayles

Dear Swipe Right,

Do you always wear a
hat? Are all of your profile pics
current? Do you have a recent
pic? You look nothing
like your profile pic. You
look better than your profile
pic. Can I see what you look like
right now?

I only date men who are
taller  than me. I only date
African Americans. I only date
Latinos. I don’t a date outside
of my race. I don’t date African
Americans. I don’t date Latinos. I
only date men shorter than
me. I believe in monogamy. I’m
only interested in open relationships.
I don’t date men at all.

You don’t smoke. I’m 420 friendly. I
don’t do drugs. I’m a social drinker. I
drink wine. I only drink beer. I inhale
cigar smoke. I won’t drink in public. I
abstain from alcohol.

I won’t sleep with you on a
first date. I will only meet up for coffee
the first time I meet you. I won’t go
to your place for a first date. I’ll cook you dinner at
my place the first time I meet you. Let’s Netflix
and chill. I don’t own a TV or have the internet.
Do you use condoms?

I’m blocking you. I just sent you
a wink. I poked you. Sent you a
smile. I sent you my makes or breaks.
I answered your essay questions. I added you to
my favorites. I’m blocked you again.

Let’s exchange numbers. I don’t give
my number out until after the first date
I’ll friend you on Facebook. Follow
you on Instagram. I’ll retweet you. I’ll say hello to
you. Leave me alone.


Swipe Left


Jameson Bayles is a roving correspondent for Poetrybay and his work has been published in numerous literary journals and magazines most recently in Poems-For-All, Hedgerow, The Ambriel Revolution, Thirteen Myna Birds and on Jameson resides in Kansas City, Missouri.


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