Our Fearless Leader by Ben Newell

I’m driving home from work,
to a Jerry Seinfeld interview
on the radio;
he’s discussing the utter incompatibility
of edgy stand-up comedy
with the college/university

All those politically correct professors
and their clone students,
everybody so eager to apply their terms
and concepts.


Of course
Jerry is right.

And edgy comedians far and wide
would be wise to avoid
this quasi elite
liberal arts college
where I work as a library clerk.

In acquiescence to the status quo
and in light
of the stink surrounding our state flag,
admin has decided to do away
with the saber-wielding Confederate major
in favor of a sanitized
and pasteurized mascot—

I predict a pampered and powdered
pre-med dandy
posing as Mahatma Gandhi;
I can see him now,
roaming the sideline at this year’s
big rivalry game.

The crowd calls
for the opposing quarterback’s head
but the major and his saber
are ancient history,
leaving us hapless and helpless
as the marauding invaders
massacre our men
and rape our cheerleaders.

We look to Mahatma for help
but that pussy cut out
in the 3rd quarter
to study for the MCAT.

Ben Newell

Ben Newell is a fortysomething library clerk in Jackson, Mississippi. His poems have appeared in Carcinogenic Poetry, LUMMOX, My Favorite Bullet, Nerve Cowboy, Pink Litter, Yellow Mama, and other underground publications.


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