Interview With A Suicide by Paul Tristram

Q: So what went wrong out there?

A: How long have we got, man?

Q: Forever…take your time.

A: I don’t know where to start?

Q: Start in the middle, that’s always a good place.

A: I thought the beginning was supposed to be the best place to start?

Q: It wasn’t the beginning that got you here, was it?
Besides it doesn’t work like that over on this side.

A: Well, it’s just people, innit, being mean and nasty all the time.
Everybody’s backstabbing each other, trying to outdo each other. The vindictiveness and hatred is just too much to cope with.

Q: You weren’t trying to do those things…you’ve been naughty a few times and we’ll talk about that later…so why should it matter to you what others do?

A: It’s hard, is all, being around that all the time.

Q: You are going around in circles…and it’s all your fault!

A: What do you mean it’s all my fault, what’s the big idea, buddy?

Q: If you didn’t like the people around you…you had a perfectly simple decision to make.
You obviously chose wrong. Once you close a door on mean people they disappear.

A: But it’s not as simple as that, some of them were friends and family.
You have to stand by your friends and family, don’t you?

Q: Yes and No. Real friendships are like True Love, reciprocal.
You don’t stand by them…you stand by each other.
The people you are referring to were not your friends.
Real friends don’t want to hurt you, they want to see you happy and successful.
False friends swarm and cling around you because they want the opposite, they flatter and lie and lust after your ruin.
But you have a choice, there is always a choice, it’s easy to say ‘No’ to bad people.
As for family, in an ideal world you are correct, you would all love and support each other. It wasn’t an ideal world, was it? if it was an ideal world you would not need to use your brain and make choices and if you did not make choices you would not be
free and without freedom you would not experience individual victory or defeat, which would mean that you would learn nothing…and that would be pointless.
But I say again, you had a choice, why stand by a family member who’s out to crucify you? If you stand under a tree out of the storm and a branch slaps you across the face you might brush it off, put it down to an accidental stroke of bad luck but if the same branch strikes you a second or third time, it would be you who is the fool to stand there further, not the branch.

A: So you are saying that it wouldn’t have been bad of me to not bother with my family?
It wouldn’t have been a sin of some kind?

Q: Suicide is considered a sin…and you didn’t worry about committing that, did you?
But to answer your question…No, quite simply No…if someone is mean to you, don’t bother with them. Be polite to strangers, help anyone you can without it having a negative effect upon you and yours…but only people who show respect deserve respect, only the people who want the best for you should be of any influence on you.
Life is short, why waste your time and resources being around negative people, why would you want to be around them, it’s catchy and not good for your soul.
Most murder victims are killed by people they know…you don’t owe mean people anything, especially your time, family or not, grow up and make your own family.

A: Oh, now you’re talking, I tried that three or four times, I’ve never seen such spitefulness.
It turns to hatred and then the heartache, I’d rather be on my own…except it’s lonely.

Q: Your fault again, I’m afraid…can you not see a pattern emerging here?

A: How can it be my fault, you’re taking the piss! I’ve been lied to and cheated on and treated like a mug at every turn, I only ever wanted a normal family like you see on TV.

Q: Everyone makes mistakes, it’s how we learn…but why would you fall in love and attach yourself to someone who’s selfish and only cares about themselves?
or, if you don’t see it for what it is at first…when you finally realize it (this is normally only after a conveyor belt of emotional and mental battering)…why persist and stay around? People with horrible souls don’t turn nice again…the mask you saw in the beginning is just that, a mask…it’s like the worm on the end of a fishing line and discarded as soon as it’s no longer needed…it’s not comfortable pretending, so the quicker they can get back to being their rotten self again the better (for them not you!)

A: But to be honourable and do the right thing you need to stand  by your commitments.

Q: You are delusional…there is nothing honourable about staying chained to someone who is (and to use your own words) lying, cheating and treating you like a mug.
I’d call that many things but never honourable.
You’ve got it all back to front…commitment is a wonderful thing, it makes people feel safe, it makes life and the road ahead easier but only if you are committed to the right person…but this is just common-sense, surely?

A: But how are you supposed to know when you’ve met the right person?

Q: Circles again…the bad ones hurt you and the good ones are good to you.
You already know about the bad ones…so the good ones, they help you become the best that you can become, they smile when you smile and their hearts light up when you laugh.
They keep you upon the right track and all they expect back from you is the same, it’s so easy when it happens, it’s amazing, everything just clicks, simple.

A: But why are the mean people like that, it can’t feel nice being like that all the time?

Q: It isn’t, it’s an Hell on earth…but they deserve it, they’ve given into the dark side.
They are Losers…look the world is made up of 45% Losers, 45% Lonely and 10% Winners. The Lonely get my compassion completely, they normally don’t hurt anyone but themselves. Cross a ‘Lonely’ with a ‘Loser’ and you have serial killers and all sorts of nastiness.

A: Wait, there are far more than 10% of people married with homes and kids and jobs?

Q: Yes, of course there is…it’s camouflage, most of them are bitter and wicked and spiteful and generally want to see at least one other person ruined.

A: But why?

Q: Because they have failed themselves as people, by becoming bitter…they will never be happy, they squirm with envy, insecurities and hatred ‘Willing’ their cancerous blackness on anyone close to them who is happy, they are attracted to the light and then instead of learning from the light they try to smother it out. It’s hard work to shine a light in a world made of so much darkness and then to preserve that light and keep it strong takes a strength of character that only 10% possess. It’s easy to be bitter, absolutely no effort at all, to be jealous of some else for shining and succeeding is absolute insanity, it will eat you in the blackest ways possible but it’s easy…yet to put in the hard work, learn from your mistakes, focus and keep moving forward, bettering yourself with every passing season is tremendously difficult but also tremendously rewarding, it’s what your Soul is made for.
The smiling comfortableness of the 10% is only the tip of the iceberg, yet it’s the only part the Losers focus upon and they writhe in hatred and envy but show them the rest hidden from view, all the hard work and lessens learnt and they’ll shrink away. Show them a construction manual on how to succeed and they’ll think it’s too much work.
Or they’re defiantly putting their effort into the wrong project…not everyone was born to compose like Mozart…and just because you like what he achieved doesn’t mean that you can do it…if you are only average at whatever you are doing then you’re probably doing the wrong thing, unless you are happy being average at it, hating people doesn’t make you better at anything.

A: So I shouldn’t have let them get to me, I should have moved away?

Q: Until you learn and understand what the actual problem is…you would just have repeated the same mistakes but with different characters.

A: Well, I got away from them now, I bet they’re sorry!

Q: No, quite the opposite…your enemies wanted to destroy you so you did it for them?
You need some time to think about all of this…I’ll be back to see how you are later.

Paul Tristram is a Welsh writer who has poems, short stories, sketches and photography published in many publications around the world, he yearns to tattoo porcelain bridesmaids instead of digging empty graves for innocence at midnight, this too may pass, yet. Buy his book ‘Poetry From The Nearest Barstool’ at http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1326241036

Paul Tristram is a Welsh writer who has poems, short stories, sketches and photography published in many publications around the world, he yearns to tattoo porcelain bridesmaids instead of digging empty graves for innocence at midnight, this too may pass, yet.
Buy his book ‘Poetry From The Nearest Barstool’ at http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1326241036

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